Split Personality

Here I am, the last day of February, back in Portland. It feels good to be surrounded by my stuff (even though I desperately need to purge) and cuddle with my cat. I am dying to see my friends and catch-up. There are three concerts I would love to go to in the next week, new restaurants that opened in the past two weeks, and no sales tax. It's good!

I wanted to go to Bunk Sandwiches for lunch today. Maybe because the last time I went, I was reminded of New York thanks to the Woody Allen shrine by the cash register and the stray copies of the Times to read while waiting for hoagies with hot peppers:





Too bad it was closed by the time I got my act together to head outside. My last couple days in New York were all about finding delicious and cheap lunch. Porchetta was my first stop on Wednesday. With just a tiny counter and a few bar seats in the window, the East Village spot reminded me of Bunk or Pine State, tiny and relatively new Portland outposts of one kind of food (sandwiches and biscuits, respectively) done really well. Porchetta, if you don't speak Italian, does pork. And nothing but pork.



You can get the delicious stuff in a sandwich (just bread and meat) or on a plate with beans and greens. Simple, tasty, and wow, filling – I think I could only now eat more pork after wolfing down that sandwich three days ago.



I think the bacon/ham/pork trend is reaching its saturation point in the foodie world (though it probably has at least six more months to hit backlash in Portland), but I will always be a fan. It is just soooo good!

The rest of Wednesday: My first time in Queens to visit my friend Emily's place. I only saw two blocks, seemed like any other borough at night. I made Emily try an Oregon Pinot noir even though she hates red – I didn't convert her, but she didn't gag either! – and we ate pizza and watched American Idol. He's kind of a hack, but I love the holographic-shirt-and-sweatband-wearing "Norman Gentle," aka Nick Mitchell, for not taking the ridiculous show so seriously – he's wacky and campy and spazzy, oh my! Last stop: Stanton Public to meet Kristen at her co-worker Matt's going away party. He's moving to Boston to take a "creative breather," he told me. Another one of his friends lit up when I said I was from Portland: "I want to move there!" Kristen is planning to move to San Francisco. Am I nuts for wanting to move to New York?

I love how in the largest city in the country, you still find yourself orbiting the same small worlds. I was in SoHo nearly every day of my trip, always for completely different, random reasons. I must have walked by the corner of Prince and Elizabeth Streets close to ten times, always curious about the diner-looking Cafe Habana. A fan of Cuban food ever since I discovered the sorely-missed (in my opinion) Canita (sister of Pambiche), I knew I must have been drawn there for a reason and went back with a purpose on Thursday. Yum! The mole burrito was good enough, but the roasted corn on the cob – ahhhh-mazing! Probably because it was coated in butter and queso fresco. I could eat it every day – and I just might if I keep ending up in SoHo.

Another afternoon of working in my "office" (aka, the library), and then happy hour with Kristen and her work friends at Valhalla. I love that word; vikings or whatever nonsense, I just love the way it sounds. Tons of craft beers, kind of reminded me of all the taps at Bailey's Taproom. I chose hard cider. Such a girl. Kim and Robin and I later headed to the College Humor Live show at the Upright Citizens Brigade. So many barely 21-ers there! I felt old. The guys were funny, the guest comedians – including SNL writer John Mulaney – wunderkinds with so much talent. I'm no stand-up, but it made me want to put more creativity out there.

My last day consisted of lots of wandering, maybe just trying to soak it all up and bring some back to Portland with me. Lunch was a classic street vendor hot dog – my favorite NYC hangover cure from years past. I'll probably never outgrow that. I had come to feel like I really was living there, had settled in to a bit of a routine. My friends kept forgetting I was leaving. I didn't feel like I was really leaving until the plane finally took off. With a non-stop flight, I was back in Portland so quickly, plopped back into my life. But it feels different, I feel different.

I miss New York. I don't want to sound like an inconsistent ninny who doesn't know what she wants, when I was just rambling two weeks ago about how much I missed Portland... but maybe I am. Or maybe it's impossible to ever definitively choose between the two. On my last day in New York, walking through a brown and gray Central Park, my mom left a voicemail and told me to have a good flight back to Portland, which she said she wouldn't call my "home" anymore since I should start thinking of New York as home. And that's partly true – reinvigorated to make the move despite any fear, I'm beginning the process of mentally "moving" as well. But Portland will always feel like home. New York is part of a journey that I know will lead me back here, a quest to find myself in new and challenging surroundings, to prove I can make my life whatever I dream it to be. (Thanks, Thoreau: "Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you you have imagined.") But considering how proud I felt every time I told someone, "I'm from Portland," I'm pretty sure I'll be leaving my heart right here in the west.